Self-compassion is a skill to be learned and a practice to…practice!
For me, the practice has paid dividends, over and over, creating a wonderful ground to return to.
Life will always invite us to dance through good days and bad days; moments of self-recrimination and moments of exhilarating joy; times of sludgy stuckness and times of ease and flow.
That’s life. All the colours, all the ups and downs.
Within the dance, self-compassion provides a fulcrum; a resting place. A space to breathe from.
As humans, this is priceless.
As coaches, I’d say it offers a professional advantage.
And as someone exploring the world of shadow, I’d say it’s a necessity.
Which is why self-compassion practices are entwined throughout the Meet Your Shadow retreat for coaches.
We need to work at self-compassion because our brains are an evolutionary hot mess, not particularly fit for purpose. A net result of this is that we can easily get hooked into patterns of over-thinking, rumination and self-recrimination…leading to over-working, procrastination, avoidance or any other number of limiting behaviours.
Self-compassion is the missing puzzle piece that makes all the mess settle down and start working more resourcefully again.
But how do you practice self-compassion?
With ease, my friends, with ease.
Here are a couple of easy suggestions you could start right now.
1. Loving Kindness Meditation
Loving Kindness Meditation is beautiful because it’s:
- simple; simply send kind words to yourself and others
- responsive; play around and find the words or phrases that mean the most to you
- connecting; it connects us to ourselves, with love, and to the wider world, with love. It reminds us of our common humanity, that all humans on the planet share the same struggles
- undemanding; a little a day goes a long way. You don’t need a 20min practice to feel the benefits. Small bites are great; repetition is the key
- portable; do it as a sitting practice at home, or do it on a dog walk, on the bus, in a supermarket queue…
(For more, Christopher Germer has some lovely videos on his YouTube channel.)
For now, I send you the Loving Kindness that is most resonant for me right now:
May you be well
May you delight
May you accept yourself
May you be loved
2. Self-compassionate touch
So much wisdom is held in the body but, particularly when we find ourselves in times of stretch or stress, we can default to our heads to try and think our way out of things.
Self-compassionate touch is a great way to re-connect mind and body, with the intention of bringing soothing to the whole system.
The goal here is simply to find what feels (most) good and linger there. Your body will tell you.
Close your eyes.
Put a hand on heart centre. Really notice the warmth of your hand as it meets your body.
Experiment with pressure - do you want more? Less?
Add your other hand. How is that? More or less comforting?
Drop a hand down onto your belly. Feel your belly rise and fall with each breath.
What feels most nourishing - a hand across the lower belly? Or higher, across your solar plexus?
Now put your hand on your jaw, and let your head rest gently in your hand; take some of the pressure.
You might add a second hand, and really cradle your head in your hands, cherub style. Take the weight; offer yourself that support.
Now, place one hand on your forehead and the other at the base of your spine. Experiment with light touch and firm touch, find what feels most supportive.
Next, stroke your arms, from shoulder to fingers. Then cradle one hand in the other resting gently in your lap.
Whichever felt most nurturing, return to it, as often as you wish.
Go well my lovelies, with compassion and care.
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