I turned 50 last month and I honestly don’t think anyone has ever been so excited by a birthday. Like a kid counting down the days to a Disney trip, I’ve been focused on this milestone for the last eighteen months.
There was something about the zero that felt like an invitation; new decade, new page.
I also think that 50 feels like the first birthday that isn’t a given.
Long life is a blessing, not an entitlement, so I wanted to honour that blessing and make this milestone count.
My focus had been on sorting out what I wanted to leave behind in my 40s and what I was taking forwards into my 50s.
There was no list or spreadsheet, just a connection to an intention and a deep trust that the work would work itself out. Which it did.
What started to crystallise was that ambition was taking centre stage and moving forwards with me into this new decade. My core values of self-expression and making a difference joined the party. Self-belief and service also showed up.
As for what I was leaving behind?
The chronic shame at existing that I’ve carried with me since childhood.
The story that every room is worse off by my being in it.
My close alliance with Victim – a place that had kept me safe but limited so much of existence.
(So, you know, just the small stuff!)
It’s amazing what the combination of a clear focus and trusting the process can do. Magical really. The process has bought me so much peace; I turned 50 with a spring in my step ready for a new decade of adventure. I have a new clarity over the work I want to do for the next decade, that is straight from my heart and deeply integral to all that I am.
I am passionate about helping others move from being hard on themselves, to coming into a more loving relationship with themselves because it’s been the entire story of my life!
I am now blessedly at a place where I’ve been able to face with grace all that most frightened me. As it no longer has me on the run, I’m able to take in the view and see the beauty of my existence that was always there, all along.
I have a free e-book that’s a love letter to others who are habitually hard on themselves, because I know that it can and does get easier with consistent…tiny…loving…nudges.
Cpver image: Photo by Kendall Scott on Unsplash